Friday, April 22, 2005

Frightful Friday

Went home to make sure well, and collect mail. Everything seems calm. Open bills, grab a couple more shirts and decide to give my one pot plant a little water before I leave.

While I am doing this phone rings. Cold call from the House of Fraser trying to sell me a twenty four hour plumbing service. Refuse. Man says you might have a plumbing emergency, what would you do. Because it's election time and you never know if it might be the Daily Mail I am reasonably polite and explain that we have had the same plumber for thirty years.

Turn off tap. Fail. Try again. Try and try and try. It won't budge and there is hot water gallons of it gurgling down the drain. Ring our friend a few farms away who used to be our plumber until he retired with plumbers back and plumbers knee. He explains to me that modern taps no longer have washers but have ceramic discs and I need to get a plumber to replace mine.

He diects me via the phone to a cupboard upstairs where I am to turn off the hot water. Do this. Nothing happens at the tap end. Think it might take a while to drain and go off to do something else. Within five minutes disaster strikes and find water flowing cool and clear and smoothly through the ceiling of the box room on the first floor and on to the cloakroom below.

Panic, ring back retired plumber who rushes round to help. We turn off main water supply and open all taps. After half an hour we are just left with drip drip drip. He explains that our plumbing is very ancient and something I did, he is not sure what, caused one of the tanks in the roof to burst.

He assures me that the water will dry up eventually and it is safe to leave the house, as long as I find a plumber for next week. Tear back to the constituency making sure I do not pass through any south Yorks speed cameras too quickly. Make it with a minute to spare before man appears to fit new blinds in BBM's office. He tries for an hour. They won't work. The windows are crooked due to ninetweenth century subsidence around here.

Friend from Home rings, she has just been to our house with the police. Alarm has gone off. She tells me I have had a bad leak but it has stopped now. She says she has reset the burgular alarm.

At one o'clock this morning my son rings. Alarm company have rung. Alarm has gone off again. What do I want to do? Realise that water had got into the system and is setting offf the alarm. The base station is in the box room.

Think I want to die actually.


Blogger bas said...

Glorious post! Hope all works out.

4:41 AM  

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